Thursday, July 21, 2016

Project: How To Monday

There are books and blogs on how to minimize, simplify and love your life. To find your passion and ardently pursue it with little to no reservations. There are tips, tricks and tutorials for nearly every aspect of your existent and that of your family, friends, foes, coworkers, neighbors and the next generation that has yet to be born.

However, the one thing we have yet to resolve (and perhaps admit) is our fear of Mondays. Our absolute resentment of those 24 very distinct hours. There are simple diagrams that break down how to get up early and subsequently how to plan for a good day. But that isn’t something we anticipate doing on a Sunday evening. Monday evening? Sure. Tell us how sleeping in a dark, 65 degree Fahrenheit room under a warm blanket thinking of a delicious, nutritious breakfast will be the culmination to the most successful Tuesday in human existence. Expound on how visualizing prosperity and personal achievement via a quote will cancel out our disdain for waking up on this mistake of a day (and having to walk across the room to hit the alarm clock – another trick of the trade).

Now the point of this landing page on the web isn’t to further condemn Mondays and raise our fists in solidarity. There is enough of us already who inherently feel this way to continue with this diatribe.

The point is to create another self-sufficient how-to blog, this focusing on How To Monday. No matter when you read this, we’re just a few days – hours – away from another one. 

Moreover, unless you’re being crowned, honored, nominated or the Publishing Clearing House has a life-size check waiting at your door, Monday isn’t Funday.

So just how do we Monday?

If Monday were Tuesday, would it bother us that much? Do we need to revive our imagination and pretend that Monday is a threadbare rug we are walking on our way to the rest of the week? Therefore, why let it bother us? It’s a quick stepping stone. One and done?

Unfortunately, we can only pretend for so long before we have to live it. So, let’s get down to digestible applications to combat the science that has determined people really don’t hate Mondays so much as hating to get up on Monday because it signifies going back to work.

1) Finish your work on Friday. If the trepidation of Mondays truly revolves around getting back in the routine of your occupation, arriving at a clean slate of tasks is a lot less taxing than knowing the first thing that will greet you when you get to work is overdue actions or an insurmountable list.

2) Make your goals more achievable. If your goals are on Friday or depend on Payday, that may be part of the root problem. Have something to work toward other than just clocking out. Part of our problem as individuals and society is that we wish time away to arrive at some ambiguous celebration. Meanwhile the time that passed was a blur that could have been a clearly defined path. Just because Monday isn’t the weekend doesn’t mean you cannot have fun afterward. You just have to redefine it. There’s summer vacation fun and then there’s school night fun. But there’s always time for fun. 

3) Just sleep. Doesn’t matter what temperature or exposure of light. On your back, starfish. Beauty rest or catnap when you get home. If you earned it (that’s between you and your boss) then catch a few winks because while nearly no one likes Mondays, absolutely no one likes a curmudgeon. (Oh – did you think this exercise was for your benefit?)

4) Don’t diet on Monday. That should be pretty self-explanatory and coincides with number three in the curmudgeon category. (Note: From here on out, Monday is your cheat day. Not Friday, Saturday or Sunday. Monday is.)

5) Like your job. You may not be in a financial position to find your passion and ardently pursue it, but I’m sure you can find a way to like the job title you currently have ownership of. And find at least one positive thing about it. The vending machine? The cubicles that give you a sense of privacy that you don’t have at home? Not even in the bathrooms!

6) Groom yourself. Seriously, even if you have a hangover, biked to work or you lost the battle against the kid whom habitually pulls your hair, try to look presentable. That way every time you go to send out a depressing selfie or Snapchat story to those who are sharing in your Monday misery, you are not further dismayed by your apathetic attempts for Monday’s roll call.

There may never be a cure for Mondays. And as an adult, you will always have to participate in them. There’s no playacting, no elementary approach to making a game out of it. To pretend if you don’t show up to work on time your house turns into lava. But there are ways your Monday can feel more like Tuesday and if you’re lucky and super ambitious a Friday.

The key may be found in some of these stereotypical tips and tricks but ultimately lies within your tenacity “To Monday.”

Good lucking getting there!

-The Green Couch